Harley Davidson Jokes

[Ruby]

Post your Hardley Dangerous jokes here:

I'll start it off:

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag.

 

[Hillz]

i got one...

Harley Davidson! bah hahahaha

 

[daniel40]

Q: Why are Harley's some of the safest bikes on the road?
A: You can't go fast enough to hurt yourself....

 

[daniel40]

Q: Did you hear about the harley rider that broke his arm while playing golf?

A: He fell off the ball washer!

 

[Ruby]

Race with a Harley

I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed
to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really
twisting sections of mountain road with no straight sections to
speak of and where most of the bends have warning signs that
say "MAX SPEED 50 KPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those
big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where
handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could
catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and
cornering. Three corners later, I was on his mudguard. Catching him
was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the
mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly
got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd
manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but
when we came out he'd get on the throttle and out-power me. His
horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me
more determined than ever.

My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever
until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an
instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of
his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before
the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I
stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the
canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see
him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles
before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I
was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the
tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more
than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was
not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had
preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of Brit iron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedaled
so hard in my life. And, some of the credit must go to Raleigh
cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...

 

[daniel40]

Race with a Harley

I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed
to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really
twisting sections of mountain road with no straight sections to
speak of and where most of the bends have warning signs that
say "MAX SPEED 50 KPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those
big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where
handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could
catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and
cornering. Three corners later, I was on his mudguard. Catching him
was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the
mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly
got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd
manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but
when we came out he'd get on the throttle and out-power me. His
horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me
more determined than ever.

My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever
until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an
instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of
his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before
the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I
stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the
canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see
him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles
before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I
was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the
tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more
than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was
not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had
preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of Brit iron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedaled
so hard in my life. And, some of the credit must go to Raleigh
cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...

hahahahaha lol

 

[Ruby]

95% of Harleys are still on the road.

The other 5% actually made it back up their driveways!

 

[Ruby]

Q. Where do you put money to hide it from a harley rider?

A. In the bathroom...under the soap.

 

[Ruby]

Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a Harley funeral.

A: Garbage cans only have two handles!



Q: How can you tell it's a Harley funeral?

A: All the garbage trucks have their lights on.



Q: What is the most common accessory for Harleys'?

A: A pick-up truck.



Q: What does a Harley and a hemorrhoid have in common?

A: Sooner or later every ******* gets one.

 

[pitbulls]

ROFL i thought u musta been on ur pitty and them on a v-rod drag special.




On a late fall evening, Animal was over at a friend's garage wrenching his shovelhead until 3 in the morning. On the ride home the temps had dropped into the low 30s and a light snow had started to fall. As there was no one on the roads, and he was cold, Animal hit the throttle to get home quicker.

As he crossed over a bridge, he saw flashing lights in the mirror as a cruiser pulled him over. No amount of pleading could sway the cop from writing the speeding ticket.

During the process, the cop asked Animal where he was coming from and Animal replied, "I just got off work at the hospital." The cop looked at him suspiciously and asked, "What do you do at the Hospital?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," came the reply. "A rectum stretcher? What the hell is a rectum stretcher?" "Well," said Animal, "sometimes people have a defect where their rectum is too small and it can cause pain so I have some special instruments that can be used to stretch them out. I can even stretch them up to 6 feet." "Six feet?" said the cop, "What would anyone do with a six foot A-hole."

"Give him a badge and put him under a bridge," came the reply.




Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself." The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God.

Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?"

God says, "Ah, yes."

"Well," says Davidson, "you have some major design flaws in your invention:

There's too much front end protrusion
It chatters at high speeds
The rear end wobbles too much, and
The intake is placed too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Super computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed,"

God replies to Arthur Davidson, "But according to my computer, more people are riding my invention than yours."

 

[pascal125]

i heard one the other day,

what is the difference between a harley engine and a lawn mower engine

the lawn mower engine is connected to a blade.

im not sure if that was exactly it, oh well, i personally hate harleys. i call 'em fat ass bikes. i would get either a superbike or an awsome chopper!

 

[Ruby]

You might be a Harley rider if:

If your bike leans further on it’s sidestand than it does on the highway.

If you are left in awe by the mechanical advantage of a doorknob.

If your bike cost more than your house and has fewer wheels.

If the output decibel number of your exhaust exceeds your horsepower
output number.

If you have ever found a grasshopper in your beard.

If you have ever blown your suspension----------------in your seat.

If you get blown away by a moped.

If you are unable to let your bike simply IDLE at a stop light.

If you don’t wave to sportbike riders cause you don’t want to drop your tools.

If you confuse the word "character" with the more accurate term "engineering flaws".

If you think running the 1/4 mile in mid 15’s is really, really fast.

If "water cooled" means standing on the side of the road, in the rain, waiting for a wrecker.

 

[yelloww proX]

If you get blown away by a moped.

umm ruby didnt u say when u were racing this harley that it was real hard to catch im bcoz of his speed, so if u get blown away by a moped ur bike wouldnt go very much faster, and u said that he would blow u away on the straghts then ur bike must be slow

 

[Ruby]

I think you need to go back and read the punchline of that joke fool. LOL

The joke was written by someone else (not me) and the punchline was that the guy was riding downhill on a pushy. Even the Harley needed a downhill run to try and outrun a pushy. Hence the joke about the moped, because the Harley is on a flat surface and doesn't have a downhill run to beat a moped. Got it? LOL

BTW my v-twin kicks Harley arse any day. I've drag raced the TLR against Harleys and I'm yet to see one better 13s (one Harley did a low 13 on nitrous) let alone beat my 11.02s. LOL

 

[yelloww proX]

nope still dont get it

 

[Ruby]

nope still dont get it

LOL

I'll keep it simple then: Harleys are slow! Thats all you need to know.



EXHIBIT A:

 

[Ruby]

Proof that v-twins can get around corners. Well, non-american v-twins anyway LOL

 

[yelloww proX]

lol is that u in ur suzik

 

[Ruby]

Yep, that pic is of me some years ago. Proof that my TLR wasn't just all show and no go ... unlike Hardleys.

 

[benox]

Ruby, you really hate harleys lol. I just hate the riders, don't mind the bikes