Buddy the meds may seem like a pain in the bum and they make you not quite you but ultimately was your life better whilst on them or better now seperating yourself from your closest friends and family and realising that you may lose your missus and kid(s), i too have struggled with deep negative thoughts and it always came back to the meds, if one does not quite do it you really need to try others, thats why there is so many different types as no one is the same and what does not work for others may work for you, being on medication is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength as your trying your utmost to better your situation, i been on zoloft, cymbalta, efexor, lexarpro, pristiq and a couple of others, zoloft made me feel much better, cymbalta was also good but was a f'n nightmare getting off it, i would have out of body experiences and severe brain zaps, efexor destroyed me more than i was already and nearly sent me over the edge, lexarpro was good but ran out of steam quick and was not good enough to continue with, now im on pristiq and bro honestly if i never need to get off it i wont, im me on this medication and feel me without trying to tell myself i feel normal, i really do feel like the old mick, maybe you need to try something else again, dont settle for one doctors opinion, do your own studies on google about anti depressants and read the thousands of questions and answers that people post, get a good feel for what it is that needs to change in your life, we all want to feel better but what is it you need, as in do you need to be more open and let people in, do you need to just be able to relax more, do you want more out of those close to you. Do a mental health plan again bro or see a psychiatrist, this will never end dude, you need to learn to manage rather than think of getting better as getting better isnt an option for me rather managing my fukd life is.
If you are feeling hopeless and worthless and even worse than you were when you were on the meds than your on a downward spiral, telling yourself at times to fight on and think positive just doesnt cut it. I feel for you mate, your pain right now is my pain and reminds me how bad i felt at my lowest times and hurts to know that someone who is apart of this family is not doing well, i strongly urge you to do something before you lose everything and find yourself back to square one feeling like the most worthless person alive, you are a normal person as your not alone in your battle, there is more people like you than there is those with the perfect life and no probs, your still here struggling thru life and that tells me you are one of the very strong ones as the thoughts you have are not easy to deal with but you do.
Please seek help man and talk to your missus and if you breakdown and cry while laying on her lap than great, but you gotta stop being isolated as they know your struggling but dont quite understand how extreme your affected at this point, bro please keep in touch and i thank you for typing this post as i hope we can work together and help each other in all ways. Dont be silent about your probs, open right up and spill your guts like you never have. Mick..........Feel free to contact me anytime or even a text on 0404124391 or just a PM or just thru this thread.:five: