Official "jokes" thread.

[pbk]

deleted them i see

mate why dont you find another forum to annoy people on

 

[byh0005]

everytime you post you remind me of that song from team america you know everyone has aids

 

[bulldog93]

This thread:
- http://www.miniriders.com.au/general-chat/23358-i-caught-my-dad-my-gf-what-should-i-do.html

 

[CHINA-RIDER]

How do you know a Pirate's a Pirate?

Its coz they Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre

 

[MiniFighter]

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES



The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn (you remember him don'tcha?). The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Chip & Dip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!" Then I would say, It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?

 

[turbotobes]

ya mum is so old she farts dust lol

lame but funny

 

[TyD]

A Somalian arrives in Australia as a new immigrant. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says........ 'Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'
The passer by says, 'You are mistaken, I am Afgani!'
The man goes on and encounters another passer by. 'Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia!'
The person says, 'I not Australian, I Iraqi!'
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Australia!' That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Pakistan , I am not from Australia!'
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you a Australian?' She says, 'No, I am from India!'
Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Australians?'
The Indian lady checks her watch and says ...'Probably at work'

 

[Shaneo]

ya mums like a shotgun, 2 cocks and she blows...

 

[turbotobes]

haha ya mums like a vacuum cleaner she sucks, she blows and gets laid in the closet

 

[TyD]

The day Microsoft make something that doesn't suck, is the day they make the vacuum cleaner.

 

[MiniFighter]

Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a Rabbi sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Rabbi kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.' ‘Don't get up,' said the Rabbi, 'I'm in the aisle seat, I’ll get it for you.' As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Rabbi’s shoe and spat in it.

When the Rabbi returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.' Again, the Rabbi obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the rabbi’s other shoe and spat in it. When the rabbi returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Rabbi slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors . . ..

'Why does it have to be this way?'

'How long must this go on . . . ?

This fighting between our nations . . . ?

This hatred . . .. ? This animosity . . . ? . . . This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes? .. .

 

[Cactus Jack]

^^^^^ He he ... I like it ! ^^^^^

 

[MiniFighter]

A fella was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Julia Gillard.

That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'

 

[MiniFighter]

Paddy and Mick, two Pommies were sitting having a beer.
Paddy tells Mick he's thinking of buying a Labrador.
"Fook off, doon't be daft" says Mick, " 'ave ya seen how many of their bloody owners go blind?"

 

[Shaneo]

Haha good one

 

[turbotobes]

Pub Joke

A man walks in a bar and sits down at a table with a bunch of people. 2 mins later he walks to the bar and says to the bar tender lets make a bet, I bet you $500 i can piss in this scooner glass from one end of the bar, to the other. and not spill a drop. The bartender says mate, your on. so the guy starts pissing and everywhere mind you, he pissed all over the floor and walls, all over the tables stools, etc... The Bartender says easiest $500 i have made with a laugh. the guy says hold on 1 sec , he turns around and walks to the table with the people gets some cash off em, then walks back to the bar and gives the bartender his $500, the bartender says why are they paying your debts? the guy replies, i just made a $1000 bet with them guys that i could piss all over your bar and not only will you watch me you would be happy about it too.

 

[turbotobes]

an old lady buys 2 budgies, she goes to bed and when she wakes up one of the budgies is dead. so she went to the pet store and asks for another budgie they say we are sold out sorry. she didnt wont the budgie to be lonely so she bought a parrot. she went home went to bed and woke up the parrot was dead and the budgie was fine. so she said right ill fix you.. she bought an eagle went to bed woke up the eagle was dead and the budgie had no feathers, the lady was shocked and siad wats going on, and the budgie whistled, " had to take me shirt off to beat that Cu#T

 

[R.Bmini_nut]

chuck norris could make Ellen degenerus straight.

 

[MiniFighter]

cant beat a Chuck Norris joke.....EVER

Chuck Norris Facts |

 

[roost666]

Drinking with Jesus

An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. It was a man.


The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out 'My God, I know who that man is. It's Jesus!'


The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.


The Irishman calls out, 'Hey! You!!! Are you Jesus?'


The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. Yes, I am Jesus' he says.


The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him 'I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me.' So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table.


Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles thank you and drinks.


The Englishman then calls out, 'Errr, excuse me Sir but would you be Jesus?'


Jesus smiles and says, 'Yes, I am Jesus.'


The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a Pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus This the bartender duly does.


As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.


Then the Australian calls out, 'Oi, you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus, or what?'


Jesus nods and says, 'Yes, I am Jesus.'


The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over Pot of
Victoria Bitter for Jesus, this he accepts with pleasure.


Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men.


He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. Oh God, the arthritis is gone,' he says. 'The arthritis I've had for years is gone. It's a miracle!'


Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock. By Jove', he exclaims, 'The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone... It s a Miracle!'


Jesus then approaches the Australian, who has a terrified look on his face


The Aussie whispers.'Pi$$ off mate, I'm on Workers Comp'